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Occupational Hazards - Job Jokes
There were three babies in a woman's stomach, and they were discussing what they would like to be when birthed and grown up. The first one said, "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked, "Why a plumber?" He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here; it's kinda leaky."
The second baby said, "I wanna be an electrician." The others laughed at this and asked, "Why an electrician?" He replied, "So I can get some lights in here; it's dark!"
The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious and laughed for a full five minutes before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"
The third baby replied, "So I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us!"
Three guys went into business for themselves. Said the first, "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."
"I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary, and treasurer."
"Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"
The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of violence and music."
"That sounds mighty fine," said the third man, "but what does it mean?"
"It means that when I want your bloody advice, I'll whistle."
Things To Be Learned In Corporate America
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
2. You can't tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
3. There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
4. Happiness is merely the remission of pain.
5. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
6. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.
7. The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
8. Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.
9. Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.
10. Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
11. Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.
12. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
13. I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
14. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
The Oldest Profession?
Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.
Old actors never die, they just drop apart.
Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
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