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Occupational Hazards - Job Jokes
Reasons To Go To Work Naked
1. Your boss is always yelling, "I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.
3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.
4. "I'd love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants."
5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your blouse.
6. You want to see if it's like the dream.
7. So that-with a little help from Muzak-you can add "Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated resume.
8. People stop stealing your pens after they've seen where you keep them.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10. No one ever steals your chair.
Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right after her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?
The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.
The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.
The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.
The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," she said. "I almost got caught yesterday!"
I went on a job interview the other day. Now I'm not really looking for another job, but it doesn't hurt to see what's out there. I saw a great one in the paper with much higher pay then what I was getting. However, I was't really qualified but I decided to apply anyway.
A week later, I became very excited when I was called in for an interview. Realizing that I didn't submit a resume when I filled out the application, I brought a copy with me to the interview. My prospective employer asked a few questions then read through my resume.
After a few anxious moments as I sat in silence waiting for him to finish reading, he put down my resume. He looked up at me and said, "We have an opening for someone like you." "Really?" I replied excitedly. "What is it?" To which the interviewer replied, "It's called the door!"
A physician, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world.
The physician remarked, "Well, in the Bible, it says that God created Eve from a rib taken out of Adam. This clearly required surgery, and so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The civil engineer interrupted, and said, "But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong: mine is the oldest profession in the world."
The computer scientist leaned back in her chair, smiled, and then said confidently, "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?"
The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?"
"Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business!"
Always guard your rear while you're in the hospital - You're in enema country.
I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.
A comedian with a Ph.D. is known as a wisecrack.
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