Bartender and Cocktail Waitress Jokes

This guy is at a bar and the bartender is friends with him, so they talk for about two hours and the bartender's friend gets drunk. So all of the sudden he just blurts out, "Lawyers are all @$$holes."

All of the sudden some other guy runs up to the bar and says, "I take that as an insult!" The bartender asks, "Why? Are you a lawyer?" The stranger says, "No, I'm an a$$hole."

A guy walks in and sits down at a bar. The side of his face is bruised and bleeding so the bartender asks, "What in the world happened to you, buddy?"

The guy says "Oh, I got in a fight with my girlfriend and I called her a two-bit whore."

"Yeah?" asks the bartender. "What did she do?"

To which the guy replied, "She hit me with her bag of quarters!"

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