Corporate Wisdom, Jokes, and Humor
New Corporate Expense Account Rules
Due to the current financial status of the company, all
employees are encouraged to adopt the following cost cutting measures:
All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives and friends while
on business travel. If weather permits, public areas such as parks should
be used as temporary lodging sites. Bus terminals, train stations, and
office lobbies may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
Hitchhiking is the preferred mode of travel in lieu of commercial transport.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
departure on business trips. Bus transportation will be used only when
work schedules require such travel. Airline tickets will be authorized
in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. For example,
if a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but the lower fare can be obtained
by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for
travel to Seattle.
Expenditures for meals will be limited to an absolute minimum. It should
be noted that certain grocery and specialty chains, such as Hickory Farms,
General Nutrition centers, and, Costco, Sam's stores etc. often provide
free samples of promotional items. Entire meals can be obtained in this
manner. Travelers should also be familiar with indigenous roots, berries,
and other protein sources available at their destinations. If restaurants
must be utilized, travelers should use "all you can eat" salad bars. This
is especially effective for employees traveling together as one plate
can be used to feed the entire group. Employees are also encouraged to
bring their own food on business travel. Cans of tuna fish, Spam, and
Beefaroni can be consumed at your leisure without the necessary bother
of heating or costly preparation.
All employees are encouraged to devise innovative techniques in effort
to save company dollars. One enterprising individual has already suggested
that money could be raised during airport layover periods which could
be used to defray travel expenses. In support of this idea, red caps will
be issued to all employees prior to their departure so that they may earn
tips by helping others with their luggage. Small plastic roses and ball
point pens will also be available to employees so that sales may be made
as time permits.
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