Things You Should Never Do Aboard A Space Shuttle
1. Open a window for some fresh air.
2. Suddenly remember that the airlock door is supposed to stay closed.
3. Play "light the bonfire" with the emergency supplies.
4. Walk the dog.
5. While in deep space, explain, in detail, the concept of black holes.
6. Reinvent landing procedures.
7. Install windscreen wipers, because hey, you never know.
8. Conveniently tear a hole in the ship's hull.
9. Discuss last night's episode of "Lost in Space".
10. Open the oxygen tanks to see if there really is oxygen inside.
11. Use the ship's rocket engines to cook up a meal.
12. In an intensely silent moment yell, "My God! The door!"
13. Replace the cooling fluid with vodka.
14. Smuggle a pack of hyenas into the cargo compartment.
15. Press the big red button.
16. Ask one of your female companions what she's wearing under her suit.
17. Introduce pig lassoing at recreation time.
18. Radio "Houston, we've got a problem" just for the hell of it.
19. Forget to wear your seatbelt.
20. Bring your own grog.
21. Use the control panel as a drum kit.
22. Five seconds before launch, announce the disturbing fact that you're not wearing a spacesuit.
23. Try to invent hyperdrive.
24. Decide that the oxygen tanks could use a little helium.
25. Ask what the in-flight movie is.
26. Invite the family along.
27. Practice reverse parking in the escape pod.
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