Engineer Jokes

What It Means to Be a Real Engineer

1. Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.

2. Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.

3. Real Engineers wear mustaches or beards for "efficiency," not because they're lazy.

4. Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.

5. Real Engineers think a "biting wit" is their fox terrier.

6. Real Engineers know the second law of thermodynamics - but not their own shirt size.

7. Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, and automatic transmissions.

8. Real Engineers say: "It's 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 degrees Kelvin." And all you say is: "Isn't it a nice day."

9. Real Engineers give you the feeling you're having a conversation with a dial tone or busy signal.

10. Real Engineers wear badges so they don't forget who they are. Sometimes a note is attached saying "Don't offer me a ride today. I drove my own car".

11. Real Engineers' politics run towards acquiring a parking space with their name on it and an office with a window.

12. Real Engineers know the "ABC's of Infrared" from A to B.

13. Real Engineers rotate their tires for laughs.

14. Real Engineers will make four sets of drawings (with seven revisions) before making a birdbath.

15. Real Engineers' briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of "Quantum Physics", and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.

16. Real Engineers know that Halloween is really the same as Christmas, because OCT 31 = DEC 25. (If you _don't_ get it, then you're not a Real Engineer.)

17. Real Engineers don't find the above at all funny.

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