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In the beginning, there was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form, And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of sh** and it stinketh." And the Workers went into their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide it's strength." And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong." And the Directors went unto the Vice President, saying, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful." And the Vice Presidents went unto the President, saying, "This new Plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with powerful effects." And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. And the Plan became Policy. This is how Sh** Happens. Joe and Frank were in the office, and noticed that someone had put up a suggestion box with some 3x5 cards next to it. Both decided that this was a great idea, and each took a card to fill out. Joe wrote, "The office workers should all be given raises!" When he looked at Frank's card, it said "Can we all have raises, and keys to the executive washroom, and personal secretaries, and new company cars, and new coffee cups, and longer lunch breaks, and an extra three weeks vacation each year, and a holiday on St. Patricks Day, and Columbus Day and Martin Luther Kings Birthday?" Joe said, "Frank, that isn't the right way of getting things changed around here. ... You shouldn't put all of your begs in one ask-it." A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
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