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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a very well-dressed, middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on a huge stack of bright pink envelopes. Each envelope has hearts all over it. The man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.

The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentines cards signed, 'Guess who?'"

"But why?" asks the man.

"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

"A federal appeals court has ruled that police in London, CT did not discriminate when they turned down a candidate who scored too high on the IQ test to become a police officer. They said they didnŐt want cops who were too smart because they would get bored of the job and quit. So, the way it works there is if you fail the IQ test you can be a cop, if you pass the IQ test you canŐt be a cop, and if they catch you cheating on the IQ test, then they make you a lawyer."

- Jay Leno

I once worked for a bar association that was having difficulty collecting some members' annual dues. The new administrative assistant was told to advise them by letter that their membership would be canceled unless they paid up.

Soon, however, we began receiving telephone calls wondering if perhaps the association was taking too drastic a step. The officers then read the letter their assistant had sent out: "Unless dues are paid by March 1, you will be dismembered..."

Recently a lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The two men got to talking when the lawyer mentioned, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

That's quite a coincidence," remarked the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

There was a brief pause, and then the lawyer puzzled asked, "How do you start a flood?"

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