Occupational Hazards - Accountant, CPA and IRS Jokes

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Accountant, CPA, and IRS Jokes

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his Rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the Rabbi.

"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V-neck right down to your navel."

The man protested, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

To which the Rabbi replied, "No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."

- Jay Leno

Q: What's the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Q: How do you know you've met a good tax accountant?
A: He has a loophole named after him.

Q: What does an accountant Do for birth control?
A: He talks about his business.

Q: What's an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

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