Accountant, CPA, and IRS Jokes

Harry died. When he was judged, he was told that he could not go to heaven right away. He asked what he did and God told him that he cheated on his income taxes, and that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500 pound, ugly woman for the next five years and enjoy it.

Tony decided that this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven, so off he went with this enormous woman, pretending to be happy. As he was walking along, he saw his friend George up ahead.

George was with an even bigger, uglier woman than he had. Harry asked him what was going on, and George replied, "I cheated on my income taxes and scammed the government out of a lot of money - even more than you did."

They both shook their heads in understanding and figured that as long as they have to be with these women, they might as well hang out together to help pass the time.

One day Harry, George, and their two beastly women were walking along, minding their own business when both could have sworn that they saw their friend Wally up ahead. This man, however, was with an absolutely drop dead gorgeous supermodel/centerfold.

Stunned, Harry and George asked him how did he managed to get this unbelievable goddess, while they were stuck with these god-awful women. Wally replied, "I have no idea why, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I have five years of the best sex any man could hope for to have."

Then Wally added, "There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. Every time after we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, "Damn income taxes."

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