Corporate Wisdom, Jokes, and Humor

Helpful Management Translations - Part I

Management Speak: That's very interesting.
Translation: I disagree.

Management Speak: "I don't disagree."
Translation: "I disagree."

Management Speak: I don't totally disagree with you.
Translation: You may be right, but I don't care.

Management Speak: You have to show some flexibility.
Translation: You have to do it whether you want to or not.

Management Speak: We have an opportunity.
Translation: You have a problem.

Management Speak: You obviously put a lot of work into this.
Translation: This is awful.

Management Speak: In a perfect world.
Translation: Just get it working and get it out the door.

Management Speak: Help me to understand.
Translation I don't know what you're talking about, and I don't think you do either.

Management Speak: You just don't understand our business. Translation: We don't understand our business.

Management Speak: You need to see the big picture.
Translation: My boss thinks it's a good idea.

Management Speak: My mind is made up. I am adamant on the subject. There is no room for discussion. But if you do want to discuss it further, my door is always open.
Translation: &%^$ you.

Management Speak: I appreciate your contribution.
Translation: @#%* you!

Management Speak: We're going to follow a strict methodology here.
Translation: We're going to do it my way.

Management Speak: I didn't understand the e-mail you said you sent. Can you give me a quick summary?
Translation: I still can't figure out how to start the e-mail program.

Management Speak: Cost of ownership has become a significant issue in desktop computing.
Translation: We want all of the benefits and none of the costs.

Management Speak: We have to leverage our resources.
Translation: You're working weekends.

Management Speak: Individual contributor.
Translation: Employee who does real work.

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