Corporate Wisdom, Jokes, and Humor

Helpful Management Translations - Part II

Management Speak: Your project is on hold.
Translation: We've put a bullet in it.

Management Speak: Wrong answer.
Translation: You didn't tell me what I wanted to hear.

Management Speak: You needed to be more proactive.
Translation: You should have protected me from myself.

Management Speak: I'd like your buy-in on this.
Translation: I want someone else to blame when this thing bombs.

Management Speak: We want you to be the executive champion of this project.
Translation: I want to be able to blame you for my mistakes.

Management Speak: We need to syndicate this decision.
Translation: We need to spread the blame if it backfires.

Management Speak: We have to put on our marketing hats.
Translation: We have to put ethics aside.

Management Speak: It's not possible. It's impractical. It won't work. Translation: I don't know how to do it.

Management Speak: It's a no-brainer.
Translation: It's a perfect decision for me to handle.

Management Speak: I'm glad you asked me that.
Translation: Public relations has written a carefully phrased answer.

Management Speak: I see you involved your peers in developing your proposal.
Translation: One person couldn't possibly come up with something this stupid.

Management Speak: There are larger issues at stake.
Translation: I've made up my mind so don't bother me with the facts.

Management Speak: I'll never lie to you.
Translation: The truth will change frequently.

Management Speak: Our business is going through a paradigm shift.
Translation: We have no idea what we've been doing, but in the future we shall do something completely different.

Management Speak: Value-added.
Translation: Expensive.

Management Speak: Human Resources.
Translation: A bulk commodity, like lentils or cinder blocks.

Management Speak: The upcoming reductions will benefit the vast majority of employees.
Translation: The upcoming reductions will benefit me.

Jump to Corporate Wisdom Joke Number:
| 5 | 10 | 15 | 20 | 25 | New Corporate Wisdom |