Random Job Jokes

Updated Definitions

ACCOUNTANT, n. [1] a person you hire to explain why you didn't make the money you're sure you did.

ADVERTISING, n. [1] the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it

AMERICA, n. [1] a country so rich we have the best politicians that money can buy

BANKER, n. [1] a person who is a success up until he loses interest

COUNTERFEITER, n. [1] the only person who doesn't lose money on bad bills; [2] a man who is always forging ahead in life; [3] a rare individual who has no problem making money -- only how to spend it

ECONOMISTS, n. [1] a group of people who, if laid end to end, couldn't reach a conclusion; [2] a band of educated men and women who define and codify the laws of greed; [3] ambidextrous individuals who are always saying "...on the other hand;" [4] people who firmly believe that they are needed by the poor to tell them that they are; [5] practical scientists who have developed a complex system which allows them to see tomorrow why the things that they predicted yesterday didn't happen today; [6] people who work with numbers but lack the personality to be accountants

FINANCIER, n. [1] a pawnbroker with imagination; [2] a successful person who can earn money faster than his family can spend it

SALARY, n. [1] a sum of money usually equal to one half of what you feel you're worth.

TAKE HOME PAY, n. [1] an amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it