Cowboy, Rancher, and Texan Jokes

Cowboy / Cowgirl Insults

His family tree was a shrub.

He didn't have nuthin' under his hat but hair.

His brain cavity wouldn't make a drinkin' cup for a canary bird.

She's so ugly, she could back a buzzard off a gut-wagon.

He was so ugly he had to sneak up on a dipper to get a drink of water.

He was so lazy, molasses wouldn't run down his legs.

He was ugly as a burnt boot.

There was once an old-time cowhand who ordered some toilet paper from a mail-order catalog. They wrote back and requested that he look in his catalog to give them the exact order number. He answered 'em right back and told them that if he had their catalog, he sure wouldn't need the toilet paper.

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