Doctor Jokes and Medical Humor

Actual Medical Quotes

"Patient has been married twice, but denies any other serious illnesses."

"This 54-year old female is complaining of abdominal cramps with BMs on one hand and constipation on the other."

Dictated: "Patient had a Pap smear today" - Transcribed: "Patient had a Pabst Beer today."

"Patient experiences difficulty swallowing tires easily."

"History: Patient was shot in the head with .34 caliber rifle. Chief Complaint, Headache."

"Patient was struck by an auto while she was walking across the street at approximately 45 miles per hour."

"The left leg became numb at times, and she walked it off."

"Skin somewhat pale but present."

"The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor."

"Coming from Detroit, Michigan, this man has no children."

"If he squeezes the back of his neck for 4 to 5 years it comes and goes."

"Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old white male, mentally alert but forgetful."

"On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it had completely disappeared."

"Discharge status: Alive but without permission."

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