A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it is inoperable. In fact, it is so large that they have to do a brain transplant. His doctor gives him a choice of available brains: A jar of rocket scientist brains for $10 an ounce, A jar of regular scientist brains for $15 an ounce, or a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of $800 an ounce.

The outraged lawyer said, "This is a rip off! How come the lawyer brains are so expensive?"

The doctor replied, "Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?"

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I broke a mirror in my house. I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.