One afternoon, a water pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he had to call a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber types of things for a while, and handed the lawyer a bill for $500.

The shocked lawyer exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer."

The plumber quietly replied, "Well, neither did I, when I was a lawyer."

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One evening two lawyers were having a drink when a beautiful lady walked into the bar.

The first lawyer said, "I'd like to f*** her!"

The other lawyer said, "Out of what?"