Military Jokes

There once was a man that went to Vietnam and got his arm blown off in a major battle. He goes back to the United States a year later and talks to an old friend about his troubles.

His friend tells him about a new invention. The invention was a mechanical arm that does what you tell it to do. Well the man was a little nervous about the idea but he decided to go through with it.

So a month later he got the mechanical arm put on and went home for the first time. He gets to the door and says, "Open the door." The arm opens the door for him. Then he says, "Close the door." The arm closes the door.

Later on that night he's watching television and he wants a beer, so he walks to the fridge and says, "Open the refridgerator and take me out a beer." The arm opens the door and gets him a beer. The man thinks that it was a good idea to get the arm.

About an hour later he needs to take the biggest piss. So he goes to the bathroom and says, "Unbutton my pants, and unzip them. Then take it out." He does his duty and when he's done he says, "Shake it a bit." Well that felt good so he says, "Shake it again, harder."

Boy that felt real good, so he says, "Jerk me off." The arm then proceeds and rips off his d**k. The man screams, "Oh f*** me!" Then the arm shoves it up his ass. The guy says, "Oh I can't believe what I'm seeing." So the arm shoves his d**k in his eye.

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