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Occupational Hazards - Job Jokes
Occupational Hazard of the Week Archive

October 2000

Take five apes and place them together in a large cage. In the center of the cage place, (or rather have placed), a set of steps, above which you should hang a banana. Shortly, one of the apes will attempt to climb the steps to eat said banana. When this happens, immediately hose all of the apes with cold water. Having repeated this a couple of times, the wet apes will no longer want the banana.

Now remove one of the apes, (and maybe dry them), replacing them with a new ape. The newcomer will attempt to climb the steps, and when (s)he does, (s)he will be lynched. Another attempt, and again, the other apes will not allow it!

Now replace and dry another ape. The second newcomer will attempt to get the banana, only to be attacked by the others, including the one who so recently received the same treatment. (He doesn't know why he is stopping the new ape, but it seems to be the done thing).

Continue replacing apes until all five are 'new.' No ape will ever approach the banana, if you asked them why they would say: "Because that's the way it's always been around here."

That is how company policy begins.

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line: 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and with great passion delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming. "You bloody fool!" he cried. "You have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered. "What happened, did I forget my line?" he asked. "No!" the director screamed. "You forgot the bloody rose!"

Three vampires went into a bar and sat down. The barmaid came over to take their orders. "And what would you, err, gentlemen like tonight?"

The first vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."

The second vampire said, "I'll have a mug of blood."

The third vampire shook his head at his companions and said, "I will have a glass of plasma."

The barmaid wrote down each order, went to the bar and called to the bartender, "Two bloods and a blood light!"

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Hazard of the Week Joke Archive Last Updated
August 31, 2001



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